The Package
On March 17, 2005 (St. Patrick’s Day, for what it’s worth), we got our child match email from CCAI. The next day, we got a FedEx packet, with pictures, medical information, and the address for the orphanage. Within days, we put together a “care package” with toys, clothes, a single-use camera, and a small, soft “Who Loves Baby?” photo album with between six and eight 3×5 photos of her new family. As we waited for our travel date to come, still well over a month in the future, it helped to think about how she might react to the package. We actually have a picture of the nanny showing Dani her album, so we know some of it’s true. Here’s the piece I wrote in late March, while trying to wait.
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Ze Ling has had a typical, but pleasant, afternoon. Most of her favorite toys have been available at one time or another, and her second-favorite Lady has been around. While many kids have moms and dads, Ze Ling has Ladies. She likes her Ladies. They play with her and smile at her and they just let her play by herself when she wants to — except when it’s nap time or bed time or eating time.
Two Ladies come in, calling her name, and she looks up. They have a box. Ze Ling likes boxes. You can put things in them, and take them back out. Sometimes, if it’s big enough, you can put your head in a box, or even your whole self. They’re lots and lots of fun. This box looks big enough for her head, but not big enough for her whole self. The Ladies are smiling big. One has a tear in her eye, but she’s still smiling. Ze Ling likes to smile, and she likes to see smiles. She smiles back at them.
They open the box, and she reaches in impulsively, and pulls out some clothing. Her interest in that is limited. She could play with it, but she has clothes on already, and there’s more inside the box. They show her a toy frog. “It’s a frog,” they tell her. “Look at the frog!” When she picks up the frog, it makes a noise! She drops it, and it makes the noise again! Now, here’s something that deserves some attention! Pick it up. CROAK! Put it down. CROAK! Wiggle it. CROAK! Put it down carefully. No noise. Slap it. CROAK! So many ways to make it croak!
They show her a plastic book with pictures in it. She glances back at the frog, but the Ladies seem insistent. Still smiling, but insistent. So she looks at the pictures. There seem to be three different people. In one picture, all three are together. In some, just the two bigger ones are together. In others, just one of them is there. The people have strange hair, and one of them has blue eyes. Their faces look a little strange, but they’re all smiling. In every picture, they’re smiling. The Ladies are using strange words: “Mother”, “Father”, “Brother”. They sound like happy words coming from the Ladies’ mouths, so she smiles again.
The box also contains a FlashyThing. She’s seen FlashyThings before. Usually, one of her Ladies (or some other adult) will hold the FlashyThing in front of her face, covering at least one eye, and then sometimes it will make a bright flash. Sometimes, it doesn’t, but people always act a little strangely in front of the FlashyThing — holding still, and making big smiles. One of the Ladies picks up the FlashyThing, and Ze Ling smiles, but holds her eyes shut. No flash. She opens her eyes. FLASH! Somehow, those FlashyThings always know when her eyes open again! No, not always. Sometimes, she can trick them.
The frog from the box is still there, and she plays with it again. Drop. CROAK! Drop. CROAK! Wiggle. CROAK! Just about every day, a Lady shows her the pictures of the smiling people, using those words again: “Mother.” “Father.” “Brother.” Soon, both the pictures and the words are familiar to her, and she sometimes gets the book and looks at it herself. Most of the toys are shared with the other kids — even the new frog. But those pictures seem to be just for her, and she comes to think that they’re smiling at her. Maybe, she thinks, those are real people, and they’ll come see her someday, and she’ll smile right back at them.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:34 PM
It would’ve been fun to see Ze Ling get her very first box. Thanks for imagining it for us.
August 22nd, 2009 at 1:03 AM
i cannot read your stories of Dani without weeping. perhaps it’s the fierce love of a mother who can imagine nothing but my own demise taking me from my child. it could be profound empathy for this sweet child whose eyes have seen more than we will ever know. my hope is that the tears your words evoke are for the knowledge of the loving arms that are eagerly awaiting her.
simply beautiful, steve, as always,
c
January 1st, 2010 at 4:01 AM
Thanks for sharing this, I imagined how to be one of the ladies at the orphanage how hard for them to take care this children. They invested love and care then after a while they need to prepare the children emotionally to meet their new family.