Breaking News Item:
2 Mylar Agents Found Dead in Cubicle – Murder Suspected

November 10
Glen Allen, Virginia — Inside  what otherwise appeared to be an ordinary cubicle at the local power company’s Innsbrook location, the flattened and blackened remains of two Mylar balloons were found.  Reportedly alive and well as recently as 8:00 this morning, the balloons had been sent from a local card and gift shop to celebrate an employee’s birthday.

“They were two of the most popular balloons we had,” intoned the visibly-shocked owner of the store.  “They’d been sent to countless sites before without incident.  I just can’t imagine what could motivate someone to do this kind of thing.”   Stifling a sob, he added, “I can’t believe I’ll never see them again!  Everybody liked them, and they never hurt anybody!”

The prime suspect, whose name is withheld pending indictment, is the employee whose birthday was being celebrated.  The balloons occupied her cubicle, and their remains were found there.  Witnesses at the scene said they heard eerie hissing noises coming from the cubicle — apparently the sound of their life’s breath being squeezed right out of them — around the time the deaths must have taken place.  Shortly after the hissing noises were heard, the suspect was noted talking at a higher pitch than usual, a sign of exposure to helium.  Some mentioned hearing her openly declare that she’d forgotten to kill them earlier.

Investigators at the scene were quiet and thoughtful.  “You’d think they’d been dead for days,” said one, “but you have to remember that they were already black when they were alive.  Apparently, she punctured them, and squeezed the helium right out of them.”  The investigator’s ashen complexion spoke volumes. He was not used to dealing with this level of violent crime.

As for the motive, the chief investigator could only shrug.  “While the balloons intended to convey a joke, the message may have been disturbing to someone in the wrong frame of mind.  Rather than send them on their way, she apparently thought the best solution was to kill them, flatten them, and store them away.  I’m nobody’s psychologist, so that’s about the best I can do.”

Accident and suicide are largely ruled out because of the force and angle of the puncture wounds, and the extent to which the balloons were flattened.  “Balloons just don’t have the weight or strength to flatten themselves or each other like that, and the puncture wounds are too large, requiring too much force, to have been done on their own,” declared the on-site forensic specialist.

The particulars of the case remain classified as investigators continue to gather evidence.

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This entry was posted on Friday, November 16th, 2007 at 1:03 PM and is filed under Finished Works. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.